i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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