her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
