those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
there was a trapeze. enough said
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
