I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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