MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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