I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I cut my penus on the lid.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you told grandpa to call you daddy
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
