He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
