i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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