Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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