You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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