when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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