I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
