It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
