I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
