The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
