Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
