I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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