found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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