I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
