My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
