Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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