Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
