my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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