I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
