I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!