i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.