i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING