I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
