if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
