Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
