Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can you bring me the toilet please
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
