We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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