Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
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