ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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