In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
