I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
