Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
