Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
