Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
