Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I need to stop coming to work sober
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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