is your mom at the bar?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
