I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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