you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
