I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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