good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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