Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
