Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
