Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I think I just sharted jello shots
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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