So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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