no you cant smoke seaweed
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
