My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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