so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize