I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
