I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
