If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
