i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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