Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
