Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
