Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
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If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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