They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
foreskin is a definite game changer
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
