Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
