peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
how does that bad decision feel?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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