I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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