Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
