You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
