i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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