You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
