shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
