I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
