i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
