My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
