He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
