this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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