My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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