I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
