he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
