I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
